Learning to Like Criticism
No one enjoys being criticized! Yet, if you want to succeed, you’ve got to overcome all of your natural instincts and actively seek out feedback, good and bad.
If you want to advance, you need to develop a positive, flexible, and creative attitude toward feedback. Here are some practical ways to toughen your hide and change your perception.
Diffuse attacks
To give yourself breathing room, turn “attacks” of criticism into information exchanges. The natural human reaction is to become defensive and offer a list of reasons why the comment is untrue. This quickly locks both sides into fixed adversarial positions from which it is difficult to retreat. Break the cycle. As difficult as it may be, respond to any negative criticism by immediately considering that it may be correct. Then ask for more specific details, enlisting the accuser as your ally in improving the situation. You’ll get lots of useful feedback, both negative and positive.
Discard your highest and lowest ratings
Ignore the 10% who think you walk on water and the 10% who think you are no good at all. Then listen to the middle 80%.”
Consider the source
Do your critics have the right background and experience to judge your work accurately? Are they in a position to give you valuable input? You can’t change to satisfy everyone.
Separate intent from content
Any negative comments about our actions, appearance, or attitudes automatically seem very personal. Yet, amazingly, the commenter may have had the best intentions. Recognize that different people have different personality styles and communication skills. They may sincerely mean to help, but deliver negative comments in a way that is hard to process and accept. On the other hand, an ill-wisher often provides valuable insights. Decide that it is never productive to take any comments personally.
Seek out criticism
Some jobs offer regular job performance evaluations where employees get feedback. If you don’t have such a program, ask for personal feedback anyway, from both your manager and those you manage. Sit down on a regular basis with staff and ask them, “What things am I doing well? What would like me to do more? What should I do less or stop doing?”
Recruit your customers as allies by asking them to be your critics.
Don’t be defensive. Keep your clients happy by being as eager to please them as your competitors are. In any selling situation, you’re still selling after the sale. It won’t be long before a rival asks them, “What do you want that your current supplier isn’t providing?” Get the jump by asking the same question. Seek the criticism before your competitor does!
Try asking open-ended questions that can’t be answered with a “yes” or “no.” For example, “How could we help you with that?” or “What improvements would you like to see?” Then summarize what they have said: “It sounds like we could do a better job if…”
Feed back your feedback
Paraphrasing what you’ve just been told helps to eliminate misunderstandings, honoring and acknowledging the criticism, and compelling you to really listen. “Nothing,” demonstrates better to a client, boss or spouse that you have heard them than paraphrasing their statements.” It also helps you to filter and focus on the useful information.
Protect yourself
We’re not always in shape to cope with negative comments. It’s appropriate to give people feedback on the best time and way to offer you feedback.
People learn to treat you the way you teach them to treat you.
Don’t expect everyone to love you
Praise and approval are wonderful. We all thrive on them. But we all need a dose of reality now and then. Just because people notice imperfections and point them out doesn’t make them your enemies. If you’ve armed yourself with a positive attitude toward criticism, they are going to be your best friends.
Conclusion
As painful as criticism can be at times, it is still an extremely important and necessary part of your professional experience. You will find that you generally learn the most from the negative experiences and it will force you to grow and learn and you will be able to bring your business to the next level.
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Great post! I like the idea of focusing on “the middle 80%” of opinion. (Even though it’s not my sport of choice, I remember that figure skating is scored by removing the top and bottom judges’ scores.) Also, it is vital to remember that not everyone will like you. One of my friends from high school runs a photography business with her husband, and someone gave a negative review. Her response was to run to FB to complain that someone gave a negative review to fish for compliments. Why not just accept those who like you and those who don’t?
Thanks Steve
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Discussion: How Do You Handle Criticism?
I think “feedback” is the key term here. Criticism is often mean-spirited, but constructive criticism in the form of feedback can be positive and invaluable. It’s the best way to gain an objective perspective and we can never reach our full potential without that.
By Melody McKinnon
Often true @Bruce, but there is also very positive type criticism too.
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Discussion: How Do You Handle Criticism?
I try to learn from it, but sometimes it is presented poorly which often hurts.
By Michael Deitsch Sr. Entrepreneur
And hurtful criticism is difficult to deal with. Being able to do so, and benefit, is a very useful tool for you
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Discussion: How Do You Handle Criticism?
I am learning how to suck it up, regardless of the delivery. My question is how do you criticize? When you are in a situation where you know what is going on is wrong and no matter what you say they come up with why it is right? How do you tell them and keep the morale going?
By Lashondra Graves
Good comment Lashondra.
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Discussion: How Do You Handle Criticism?
Criticism give us the opportunity to evaluate that specific services or product.
When the feedback is correct, this is the time to thank your customer/prospect, as he has taken the time to carefully evaluate your product, a sign of real interest. Sometimes it’s not always in a bad way. Rather than trying to tackle you (your company) the tries to convince himself even more about the quality of your product by asking/stating questions/remarks that his/her professional contacts would ask.
From that moment on becomes your ambassador and that’s doing business!
By Michael De Koker
True Michael
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Handling criticism is an ongoing activity and it can be very difficult!
Where possible, I try to ask for a second opinion to make sure that the criticism received was indeed objective before I attempt to find way to improve or change… It takes a strong person to take criticism as an opportunity for positive change and growth
By Mersi Halilovic
There is negative and positive criticism. The trick is how to use and benefit from the negative
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you must have you inner principle and then you just follow your heart and the right principle
By martin liu
Martin, you dont believe in feedback or criticism?
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Discussion: How Do You Handle Criticism?
Depends. If it’s from a client, I evaluate it carefully, then respond with a thoughtful reply that will bring us closer to agreement on the direction of our project. If it’s from my wife (whose criticisms are usually better) I go off and sulk like a five-year-old for awhile, then take her out to dinner at a fancy restaurant and tell her she was right! 😉
By David Bragi
Love the thought David
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As far as work is concerned you have to separate who you are as a person and what you do in your job. If the person sitting across the desk is dissing you listen patiently and remember it’s not you their criticizing but your role. Learn what you can from the experience. It’s not easy but if you don’t do it you won’t survive especially in a sales position.
By Jay Poko
Good thought Jay
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I completely agree. I have an editor who doesn’t hold anything back. There have been times she has suggested changing or deleting narrative I thought was perfect, but when I got over the initial sting of her viewpoint and gave it honest consideration, I knew she was right. Constructive criticism can help you make your work cleaner and more credible, which means more marketable in the end.
By Florence Osmund
Thank you Florence
Hey Dr Monger,
Thanks for this wonderful article and actually putting these tips into words. It will help loads of people. I like the part where you can turn negative critic to positive ones and taking it as information and not personally. Further more asking for more feedback and trying to improve is awesome! Love it.
More such articles (lots of them) in my smartamarketing blog on WordPress Sharon
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Discussion: How Do You Handle Criticism?
Criticism have to be done in constructive way in order for it to be effective.
By Folakemi Ayodele
@Folakemi For it to be effective, the recipient has to be part of the process. If you only go with what appears to be constructive criticism, you may be missing out on some good advice because it is not presented in a way you like?
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Discussion: How Do You Handle Criticism?
Structured criticism is how we learn from our mistakes and improve on them. No one is perfect and there is always room to grow, learn, perfect a craft or discover a new talent. I welcome criticism with open arms, a pen and pad and like David mentioned earlier respond with a thoughtful reply.
By Ramatu Kandakai
Certainly no one is perfect. Sometimes criticism we dislike turns out to be useful for us @Ramatu
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Thank you for this article. Being a manager for several years… I too notice that negative feedback is hard to receive for others as well as for myself. To be honest, I need to work on this for I find this article very valuable and challenging. Moving forward, I will make this one of my new year’s resolution. 😉
By Sharon Shamiko Lee
We all need to work on our soft skills regularly @Sharon
@Ramatu. Good thoughts. Very true
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Discussion: How Do You Handle Criticism?
I embrace it! Honesty is so hard to come by these days – most will tell you what you want to hear which certainly does not promote positive growth. Everyone has room to improve and those that put their ego aside and listen to the hard truth and take what is valid from it, have the potential for greater growth than those that attack the messenger or live in denial.
By Michelle Howell
Well said @Michelle.
If you can benefit from what is thrown, you have an advantage most miss
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Discussion: How Do You Handle Criticism?
Criticism; one big pill to swallow, let alone digest sometimes. I agree, whether valid or not, it offers time for introspective thought, asking yourself the question, “what do I own, what don’t I own’, and sheer honesty with no one but yourself. Out of it all, you do grow, and hopefully for the better-thanks Carolyn-a great reminder that criticism doesn’t have to be a ‘downer’
By Debi Susalka
@Debi, Indeed some criticism comes wrapped in rocks it seems.
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Criticism must be delivered with a constructive goal in mind. One must not simply be trying to find faults in others, or “picking on” co workers methods without the goal of helping them improve. When receiving criticism, use it as a time to take a step back and reflect on what and how you are conducting yourself and your tasks. There is always room to learn and improve, and sometimes it takes a pair of outside eyes to invoke such change.
By Heather Gorawski
@Heather. Thats the best way but there may also be a place for criticism that is hard
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Discussion: How Do You Handle Criticism?
Sometimes criticisms do teach us our weaknesses as well.
By Prashant Saxena
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Discussion: How Do You Handle Criticism?
It depends. Trolls who attack out of pettiness and jealousy get my wrath. I won’t be treated like that. An honest assessment will get my attention, especially if it’s well reasoned and thoughtful.
By Stephen Seitz
@Stephen, Trolls are not making real criticism. They are simply hiding rudeness in their comments
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Discussion: How Do You Handle Criticism?
This is great. I think the biggest mistake people do if they respond to criticism with a defensive answer. I think the general key is to listen and then to affirm: “Ah, I hear. Can you tell me more about (NOW QUOTE THE PART THEY CRITICIZED) and what do you think I can change about it?”
If you come with a rather curious and question oriented attitude that gets you a long long way.
By Shmuel Hoffman
Good idea @Shmuel. It is hard to not be too quickly defensive. Especially in some environments. But this approach may be good because it may well change the environment.
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Discussion: How Do You Handle Criticism?
I listen to it, but what I do afterwards depends on whether it is constructive or malicious. I personally label any criticism as malicious if the person offering it doesn’t offer some form of opinion as to how you can improve, it’s just there to let you no how you failed, fell short, or how you are going to fail in the future.
If it’s malicious I don’t invest too much energy into it. I attempt to extrapolate any valuable insight and discard the rest. Life is too short to dwell on the feedback that is not really intended to benefit you.
Constructive criticism is cherished. This is feedback that is intended to make you better. You may not want to hear what is being said, but usually this can only make you better. Even if you don’t agree with the points for improvement you can have a discussion on the subject to get more insight because the person you are talking to wants you to succeed.
So a long answer to a short question listen and the proceed down a course of action.
By Chris Hedges
@Chris. Yes it depends. But even when it is poorly expressed, can you learn something from it?
Turn a problem into an opportunity sort of thing?
It is what most of us do Chris, but being able to get benefit from even bad stuff is a gift. It also annoys those who would do us harm.
So malicious comment: “Your manners are… followed by bad stuff”
Response: ‘Funny way to put it, but I can see a great opportunity there. Thanks”
It will annoy the “P**s out of them on a number of levels
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Discussion: How Do You Handle Criticism?
Paul, I think you are right. However, each of us has to be responsible for our part in every dialogue. It is no good bemoaning the performance of your partner in dialogue, they will react to your initiative or response depending on your delivery.
One lesson I learned years ago, if you shoot messengers you quickly stop getting messages. If you give messengers hospitality and a warm welcome regardless of their message you’ll become very well informed.
By Tim Meadows-Smith
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Love it! The enjoyment improves with experience, maturity and confidence (does that just mean getting old!)
I agree with Michelle. It’s all-too-rare and hard to come by. I’ve never met anyone who sees themselves exactly as everyone around them does. Those that are closest to seeing themselves as others do tend to be the most successful people I know. I think there is a real learning in that observation.
By Tim Meadows-Smith
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As an editor, I have to say it is often as difficult to deliver criticism (constructive or not) as it is to receive it. It is very important to package what you say in a way that helps a writer feel good about herself and her work.
By Bobbi Linkemer
Good thought Bobbi
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Oh I hate it, well unless it says something like “a masterpiece” and it rarely does. I do however find most reviewers and critics to be pretty good and fair. You just have to deal with the odd comment and mostly when you really think about it, it turns out to be fair criticism and so you have to correct that flaw in your next book. One of my books came in for a share of criticism and it was unexpected as up until that time I had always been lucky with reviews.
I returned and read the book yet again seeing it through the reviewers eyes rather than with my own rose tinted glasses on. I actually had to agree with them, I had spent “too much time on a side story” to the “detriment of the narrative”
Criticism and review most definitely has its place. Had it not been for those reviews I would have repeated the same mistake again and again. Happily I accepted their point of view and fixed it and I am back to mainly very good reviews.
I always think that this is where an editor would help the process and luckily I have a friend that does this for me but for any writer without one beware as we all think that our books are wonderful. Had I had an editor at the time the flaw would have been pointed out and probably that book would have received rave reviews.
If, however, you do not have an editor do not despair. Although that particular book received a few harsh reviews it still sells well month on month and has been for a number of years now.
By Raymond Walker
“a masterpiece” comment Raymond
Thanks for that comment @Bobbi. Good point
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Discussion: How Do You Handle Criticism?
‘Constructive’ criticism can be extremely helpful, regardless of how painful it may be to receive it at times because it offers an avenue for growth and improvement. On the other hand, when the criticism is mean spirited and intentionally meant to discourage it can have a negative and counter productive effect on one’s growth. It’s taken time, but I have less problems discerning between the two. I can take constructive criticism and run with it, and the latter I can let roll off my back.
By Catherine E. Johnson
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Discussion: How Do You Handle Criticism?
Feedback is essential for all relationships to work. In the marketing agency arena the main reason for a failing business development initiative is lack of communication – the right arm not knowing what the left arm is doing. If there are faults then highlight them at an early stage – it makes for far better and longer term relationships. As humans, we are not mind readers (well, most of us aren’t).
By Mike Lee
Absolutely true @Mike
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Discussion: How Do You Handle Criticism?
I have grown a lot from criticism. It wasn’t always pleasant but looking back, even when it was harsh (but not hostile to me as a person), it was a good thing. I particularly remember in my teens having another student loudly and abruptly accuse me of being selfish. It was very painful to hear this–but reflecting on it over the next few days, I decided he was right–and I changed those behaviors. Decades later, I ran into him at a college reunion and thanked him. He didn’t even remember the incident.
By Shel Horowitz
Good input @Shel
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Discussion: How Do You Handle Criticism?
That’s a really good teaching point Shel. When you have to critique people now do you share that story with them if the become defensive?
By Chris Hedges
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Discussion: How Do You Handle Criticism?
The first thing I consider is the expertise of the one doing the critique and ask myself “Are they qualified to criticize me?” If so, then I listen with gratitude because I want to get better and grow. If they’re just being a butt head and aren’t qualified then I ignore them and move on. When I offer a criticism, I tend to say something like, ” I disagree with you on this and here’s why.” Then I share my perspective. OR I say something like, “Mind if I offer a suggestion?” If they say no, then I offer suggestions on what I think they need to hear… but I ask permission first. Otherwise I keep my mouth shut. I have to admit that being married for 27 years to a Driver type personality, I’ve learned to speak my mind when I think someone has unfairly criticized me.
By Brian Duvall
If they are receiving your behaviour or material @Brian do they need to be any more qualified?
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Discussion: How Do You Handle Criticism?
I’m training myself to calmly endure the pain, to verify the cause and nature of the complaints, and then to ask complainers to help me devise and enact solutions.
By ELAINE BISHOP
Good idea Elaine.
And if that doesn’t work – destroy them! ( I joke, but its always an option)
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Discussion: How Do You Handle Criticism?
For me, negative feedback-which is usually more common then positive–isn’t easy to take. I’m usually pretty peeved after a particularly grueling episode of ‘tear this piece down.’ But that is because a writer’s work is a little piece of themselves they have bravely shown the world and when someone, namely the good editors, tells them it is lacking it subconsciously translates into some self deficiency. What I’ve discovered however, is after being mad and depressed for a while–sometimes for days–I can take a step back and see what they are saying is actually quite true. Although it hurt at the time, the critical advice helps make my writing superb instead of mediocre. And over the years, even if it still stings a bit, I’ve found I’m less and less bothered by constructive criticism. Sometimes I look forward to it because I’m stuck with what I have and I know I need a good ego shaking to be able to see what has me stuck.
By Amy San Nicolas
It is not easy Amy
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Discussion: How Do You Handle Criticism?
Listen to criticism as a learning experience. There’s always something even the most experienced business person can learn. How many times have you smacked your head and thought: Why didn’t I think of that?!
If the thought expressed isn’t a legitimate criticism but simply a mean-spirited or nasty remark, that’s going to be obvious from the beginning. Think of such commentary as a left-handed compliment because it reflects the fact that the speaker is either threatened by, or jealous of, your success or exemplary work.
By Ann-Louise Truschel
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spot on Amy. It always hurts and usually a bit more when you realize that it is right. I am not going to say that you get used to it as you never do in my experience but you learn to deal with it.
By Raymond Walker
Good thought Raymond.
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Discussion: How Do You Handle Criticism?
I tell my students this class offers you access to an ideal audience — you are each book-readers every one. My opinions are my opinions, but the class as a whole offers great market research. Their likes and dislikes are out there in the open. As a former Madison Avenue VP, I know how valuable this can be. It is up to each student to decide how to use that market research. To get your feelings hurt, snarl back at your fellow students or ignore it entirely is not recommended.
By Bill Manville
So many good comments and ideas. Thank you all
Brian
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Discussion: How Do You Handle Criticism?
The best way to give [and take] criticism is objectively. People have to understand writing is almost as much about opinion as it is about choice.
Whether the advice seems to have a pang of truth or reeks of audacity, the writer should evaluate every piece. If the writer chooses to dismiss said criticism, it should be justified rather than dismissed with no thought.
Often people may not understand the story you want to tell; nor the reasoning behind your choices. We are all only human, and more people speak out of personal preference rather than what strengths or weaknesses a story has on its own.
If a few people are saying similar things in a color of criticism, it is worth another look at that part of the story. It’s tough to see the forest from the trees, so an outsider’s opinion can certainly help.
These are the techniques I employ when it comes to criticism. If I believe enough in something, I will keep it; but I strive not to be pigheaded in the process. Checking one’s ego and giving another look at the material is usually the best way to come out the other end of criticism. If you are right despite the criticism, it can often only make you feel stronger about your story.
By Matt Mesnard
Objectively is what to strive for Matt – but not easy is it?
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Discussion: How Do You Handle Criticism?
Criticism is one of life’s curve balls. We have to learn to deal with it in a mature way and move forward. It’s not fun, but it’s life
By Sandy James
True Sandy.
Perhaps you can develop a personal technique that treats it as fun?
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Discussion: How Do You Handle Criticism?
One of the keys to giving criticism is to focus on the piece and not the author. At QM we try to train the member to know why something doesn’t work. “I don’t like this. The author messed up.” Is not good criticism. Getting down to why it didn’t work for the reader will reveal problems in the story. Also in critique the good parts of a story need to be pointed out so the author understands what works and can develop it.
I’ve been a part of a writing group for many years and we’ve gotten good at being able to honestly tell each other what works and what doesn’t and no one gets upset. I’ve treated some new authors the same way I would a member of the group and some have gotten defensive. It can be tricky.
By Timothy Goyette
When giving hard criticism, focus on the piece, the act etc. Not the person. Good advice Timothy
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Discussion: How Do You Handle Criticism?
I handle criticism the old fashioned way. I just phone my mafia friends. No, truly articulate and insightful criticism is a treasure, rare as it is. My first book was nominated by Random House for a Pulitzer Prize and my editor–a real Cracker Jack at that–suggested that I hardly change a word. The agent had even sent it out–she was so excited–with typos in the ms. I got very lucky and it sold in a heated auction. My 9th book just came out this week on Kindle and I had a couple of published authors I trust read it before it was published. They were insightful and articulate and, of course, I heeded their criticism. Now, go ahead and criticize this post. My mafia family would love to meet you. Wink.
By Jerry Ellis Tanager Tds.Net
Save money Jerry, get your own baseball bat and practice swinging it. Good exercise and tension release too.
As required you can always use it to reason with Dumbo editors.
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Discussion: How Do You Handle Criticism?
Criticism hurts, but rather than react right away full of righteous indignation, I let it simmer until I cool down and I’m over the initial sting. Then I consider the criticism again. Sometimes, there is some truth in it even if the person saying it says it in a painful way. If that’s the case, I will acknowledge it and even let the person know I’ve made some adjustments. If it’s total BS, then I usually let it go without even acknowledging it. I figure that someone making unwarranted criticism is just trying to get a rise out of me and I deny that.
By James Rada, Jr.
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Discussion: How Do You Handle Criticism?
Criticism hurts, but rather than react right away full of righteous indignation, I let it simmer until I cool down and I’m over the initial sting. Then I consider the criticism again. Sometimes, there is some truth in it even if the person saying it says it in a painful way. If that’s the case, I will acknowledge it and even let the person know I’ve made some adjustments. If it’s total BS, then I usually let it go without even acknowledging it. I figure that someone making unwarranted criticism is just trying to get a rise out of me and I deny that.
By James Rada, Jr.
SSHH James – If somefolk hear it hurts they might want more of it 🙂
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Discussion: How Do You Handle Criticism?
James that is a good idea, i think and i follow that mantra myself. But hear this and quake (oh well don’t as it proves that you and I are right) There is very well known and successful author (sells millions) who, when his last novel came out, entered into a dialogue with many of his negative reviewers contrary to the advice of friends and acquaintances. His novels are very good but very much niche jobs and all of those that had read them before they hit the market knew that. If it was not the genre and style that you were into then you were just not going to like them. About two to three weeks into tirades going form him to reviewers and reviewers to him it was picked up by some of the papers and he was portrayed as some kind of elitist who if you could not understand his books easily then he thought you a moron (this is not the case by the way) but so it came out and books that were heading for awards and hitting not only the UK but international bestsellers lists suddenly hit a big decline. It is unfair, true, as he was only trying to stick up for his books but it should be a lesson to us all.
By Raymond Walker
Authors often take it badly. But they have to learn to keep silent.
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Discussion: How Do You Handle Criticism?
There is criticism and there is criticism. If you read many critique and reviews, you will be able to distinguish between a useful criticism, and those who like to Trumpet their knowledge which might be very confusing. I am from Israel, I live in Chicago. I write and published in both languages. I am an editor for a publication in Israel, also a translator. I don’t mean to brag, but I have an experience of many years, especially in editing and reviewing. When I read a critique of my work, I know immediately if the editor understood, or even read my poem or story. It can very good critique, or a bad one. If the critique is negative I study it very closely, hoping to learn something new. We all have to try not to get angry just because someone didn’t like our poem – it isn’t an insult; lower the ego. Every writer should have an editor; we do not always see our mistakes, another eye is very helpful. I know it is expensive and all that, but a good editor is a must, if you would like to publish your work. Hope I didn’ bore you with all this.
Thank you.
By Ilana w Haley
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Discussion: How Do You Handle Criticism?
Constructive criticism is what helps us be better writers. Without it we continue to live in the bubble we place around ourselves and our writing. What I like, you may not like, yet I write for you. How can I know I need to get out of my bubble if not for good critics?
Then I also remember, the critics usually pick the worst movies while the masses vote with their dollars.
By Kat Canfield
No doubt Kat – If we listen and respect views that we may not agree with at first
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Discussion: How Do You Handle Criticism?
You have to take your personal opinion out of the equation. People are giving you criticism about your work, not you as a person, so you need to consider that in the feedback (unless they are mean spirited AHs). You have to think of each of these as a learning experiences and a chance to become better at what you do than where you are currently. As a writer, you also need to develop a thick skin and realize that there is no such thing as a good writer, only a good rewriter. I give credit for that last line to my graduate instructor, who told me that on my first day of class. That piece of advice has been invaluable as I’ve gone along my career.
By Debbie (Deborah) Anderson PhD (ABD)
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Discussion: How Do You Handle Criticism?
You can learn a great deal from positive feedback, where you can trust it. The problem is to sort out the sycophancy and excess politeness or fear of hurting.
It is generally easier to evaluate the motivations behind negative feedback, so it is easier to assess.
By John Harland
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Discussion: How Do You Handle Criticism?
Even negative criticism shows trust. Thanks for reminding us,
By Paul Vaughn
Its often hard to take, but if you learn to “learn from it” – every time – you will be the benefactor
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Reminds me of a quote attributed to Alex Haley: “Find the positive and praise it.” Great advice that applies across the board — whether you’re reviewing a book or raising a child.
By Victoria Welling
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Group: Professional Writers
Discussion: How Do You Handle Criticism?
For some reason, I am drawn to this topic. Simple questions begat complex answers. Does this questioner mean, how do I personally handle criticism or how do I respond to it?
I have a monthly program in which I invite criticism to boost participation and explore alternatives. Plus and minus often occupy the same space. I find that learning the intent of the critic is as important as the actions targeted.
This discussion has been beneficial and seems to be adding to the topic. Anything that makes me participate gets an A+ from me.
By Paul Vaughn
Via LinkedIn Groups
Group: Writers World
Discussion: How Do You Handle Criticism?
You know, there’s criticism and then there’s criticism. And while I think it’s important for writers to remain open to enlightened feedback, there’s also the element of needing a thick skin and appreciating that a certain amount of criticism turns on personal taste. Even with professional reviews, there can be such wide variation in opinions of a particular book.
My mantra is that not every book is for every reader. With my picture books, most of the reviews were relatively consistent, with a few outliers. And then came my first novel…
In “Where It Began,” the book opens with the protagonist lying on the ground, staring up at the moon through the leaves of a eucalyptus tree, her boyfriend’s car keys in her hand, his car wrapped around the tree, and no memory of how she got there.
One element of this story is an exploration of obsessive love. (Because teenagers never experience this in real life, right?) The book did well and most of my readers were happy, but some of the reactions I truly didn’t expect went something like, “I hate girls who are obsessed with their boyfriend!” The issue wasn’t whether this was a good book narrated by a girl who started off obsessed with her boyfriend or a bad book narrated by a girl obsessed with her boyfriend –the subject matter itself was the issue.
There’s a similar thing with “Afterparty,” which deals with a dark, intense female friendship. There are readers for whom the story feels very real, and readers who are upset at the weaker member of the pair for not extricating herself sooner, and therefore upset with the book. (There are other elements of the book that readers pick out to love or hate also, of course.)
I realize it’s cliche, but I really do think that to survive as a writer, especially in this era of the internet which gives all readers an instant, international platform, you have to stay true to your vision; write the book you have to write as well as you can; and stand by your work.
By Ann Redisch Stampler
Via LinkedIn Groups
Group: Writers World
Discussion: How Do You Handle Criticism?
If it’s constructive criticism I Love it !!! If it is just nasty criticism I ignore it and that person I do not hear no see no or even think about them again they are not part of my life anymore and there is nothing anyone can say about me that has not already been said, so over the head I forgive them but they may keep their badness for themselves as I’m not willing to carry bad baggage for nobody!!! I Love beautiful people meaning kind cares and don’t judge others because equality is the way forward!!!
By Samantha Louise Jarvis
Via LinkedIn Groups
Group: Writers World
Discussion: How Do You Handle Criticism?
There is also just simply “a persons taste in books” and sometimes some one picks up the wrong book for them. One of my earliest books still receives five star reviews time upon time despite the fact it is a difficult book to read, I suppose, slightly elitist, (challenging and original i like to think) different. All of a sudden in among the five stars after five stars, reviews (I am boasting now) came one that gave it half (yes Half a star (( i didn’t even know you could give half)) a star. With a review that went (sort of, it was ten or twelve years ago now, so i cannot say exactly how it went, forgive me for the inaccuracies) It is difficult to follow this story everyone seems to be someone different and worse, its a romance. Yeeuchh.
Now i do not blame the poster for this as i always knew the story was not for everyone but i could not imagine why he had bought it. It took me ages to figure it out and i still may not be right, to be honest. From the comment he sounded as if he was a teenager or at least young adult, but i suspect from the tag lines he has thought it has contained lots of sex and had decided to try it. Well as a young male kid even elitist sex is better than none. Ah but there’s the rub, there was loads of romance, but only one very short (and quite chaste) sex scene. (necessary to the story and all that) So never worry about it really as you do not know who it is coming from. Oh and as a; you should listen to me thing. Just a couple of minutes before i was going to post this someone else posted a five star review on the same book as i was talking of. That was just luck. but it looks cool.
By Raymond Walker