Social Networking Connections – to Accept or Not, That Is the Question
“Blessed is the influence of one true, loving soul over another.”—George Eliot. When it comes to accepting friends and connections for your business through social media, discrimination is critical.
What do you do when people invite you to connect with them on LinkedIn or invite you to become a fan on Facebook? Do you accept any and all invitations that you receive just to gather large numbers of people in your online communities or do you only accept invitations from people with whom you have a genuine and solid connection?
This is a highly controversial issue and one that deserves a great deal of discussion and examination. The viewpoint that is discussed in this article is that of CompuKol Communications. The viewpoints of others will be presented here as well in order to show fair balance.
Many social media channels, including LinkedIn, for example, advise that you only accept invitations when you know the inviter and want them to be a part of your network. You should accept invitations when you
- Want to stay connected to the person inviting you.
- Find the inviter credible and trustworthy.
- Have had some direct connection with the inviter.
- Are very well acquainted with the inviter’s work and feel that there is a potential to work together in some capacity.
If you don’t really know the inviter, you should either ask him or her for more information about why he or she wants to connect with you or ignore the invitation altogether.
Quantity without quality, especially when it comes to your business, does not have a great deal of value. There is no point in gathering people if you will never have any sort of relationship with them on an ongoing basis after the initial connection. You should be connected with people only if those connections bring value to both sides.
Relationships are the foundation of the success of your business. Before anyone will do business with you, they must get to know you as a business person, learn that they can trust you and find your credibility to be rock solid. On your side, if you want a meaningful relationship with others, you must consistently strive to fulfill their needs and provide them with valuable information that will help them to solve their problems.
Your online network is very important to you and your business. You need to make sure that you never do or say anything that will jeopardize the strength of your network and how you treat those people who are a part of that network. You have worked long and hard to build and maintain relationships. The last thing that you want to do is cause them to disappear.
On the other side, there are many people who are willing to accept everyone who requests that they become an online connection. There are many people who feel that merely by the fact that you are connected to social media channels, you have the capability of creating a global network on a scale that wasn’t possible 5 years ago.
Sometimes those people will try to get to know others with whom they have not had any face-to-face interaction through forums, Email and social media channels that they share. The opinion there is that if you don’t connect because you don’t know those people personally, you are defeating the purpose of social media sites in general.
There is a third school of thought that says that people who invite others to connect do so with some caution. One of the driving criteria is that there must be something between the two parties of mutual benefit and value. If accepting invitations from people just to acquire a higher volume of connections, it may not help your credibility and your business.
What Is a Relationship?
A relationship is normally perceived as a connection between two individuals. Individuals can also have relationships with groups of people, such as the relationship between a rabbi and his congregation, and uncle and a family or a mayor and a town. Online relationships coexist simultaneously within many online communities or groups.
Fans vs Friends vs Business Connections
When using social media channels such as Facebook for business, it is important to understand what it means to be a fan as well as understanding the difference between a fan, a friend and a business connection.
Fans
According to Wikipedia, a fan is someone with an intense, occasionally overwhelming liking and enthusiasm for something. Fans of a particular thing or person constitute its fan base. Fans often show enthusiasm by starting a fan club, holding fan conventions, creating fanzines, writing fan mail, or promoting the object of their interest and attention. Fans are accepted automatically, without any screening process.
A good analogy here is a celebrity who has no control over who becomes his or her fans. Typical social networks where this model is used are Facebook fans and Twitter followers.
Friends
The definition of a friend is more complicated and falls under the category of interpersonal relationships. A friendship or interpersonal relationship is a relationship between two or more people. It may last a very long time or may be brief. Interpersonal relationships take place in many contexts, such as family, friends, marriage, associates, work, clubs, neighborhoods, and churches. They may be regulated by law, custom, or mutual agreement and are the basis of social groups and society as a whole.
A typical social network where this model is used is Facebook friends. In this case, the connection with your friends is personal and you should not accept anyone to be your friend unless you have that personal connection. If someone whom you don’t know invites you to be his or her friend, in order to create the personal connection, which may result in a friendship, both parties need to learn more about each other first.
Business Connections/Relationships
Business connections are a broad spectrum of inter-business relationships associated with providing and consuming knowledge and services. Online business connections emphasize the emergence of social networks as a primary medium through which business relationships are conducted.
Typical social networks where this model is used are LinkedIn, Biznik, Ryze, etc. You need to have established a mutual knowledge of the person with whom you are creating this business relationship. If someone whom you don’t know invites you to connect with them professionally, you need to establish that both parties are able to fulfill the other’s needs first. Although the needs of both parties may not always be apparent initially, both parties will always have some need that must be fulfilled.
How you value business relationships and how you develop them, whether in-person or online, also extends to referring other vendors to your trusted customers. If your customers need something that you are not able to provide them with, you should feel comfortable referring them to vendors whom you have come to know and trust through business. This will serve to strengthen your credibility further and your customers will want to continue to do business with you.
It will never be enough of a reason to refer a new vendor to one of your customers simply because the vendor has expressed to you a feeling of wanting to increase his or her business. You will have to really get to know that vendor well enough first to be able to trust his or her credibility and integrity. Before you connect the vendor with your valued customers, you need to be absolutely certain that your customers will be satisfied with the products and services that the vendor offers. In other words, the other vendor is an extension of you and your business.
If you treat your online relationships (and in-person relationships) delicately, you will be rewarded for your efforts. The more integrity you display, the stronger your relationships will be. Networking and continuing to build relationships is one of the most effective ways to increase business as long as you do it the proper way.
You have to put a great deal of effort into your relationships, which will usually have a tremendous amount of rewards that go with the hard work. Even though your ultimate goal is to increase business, it is important to concentrate on what is essential along the way. That is building strong, meaningful relationships. The rest will follow. It is, of course, very important to remember that relationships take some time to develop. Nothing meaningful happens overnight.
Conclusion
When approached to connect with people you don’t know on social media channels, it is a good idea to have a scripted Email with which to respond. You should thank them for inviting you to connect with them but, at the same time, you should ask them why they want to connect with you and ask them to tell you a little more about themselves and how you might be able to help each other.
You will see that some will never be heard from again but others will respond to you with more information and that will be the beginning of new and meaningful relationships. This approach really combines all schools of thought on whether to accept new business connections.
We are pleased to provide you with the insightful comments contained herein. Please contact us at CompuKol Communications for further discussion on how we might be able to assist you and your team.
If you want to stay at the same job forever, don't accepted LinkedIn invites from people you don't know. That way, you can keep your network really small and never worry about working at another company. That is, until or unless you get laid off.
Get with the program, people! The whole idea of social networking vs. going-to-a-meeting/event/after-hours-chamber-meeting-and-networking is that you DON'T have to come face to face with someone to connect. You can connect with people all around the state, the country, the world. Many of us don't have huge bank accounts or extravagant work expense accounts that allow us to go to all the events we meet and to meet all the people we would if we went. Why not take advantage of social media for this purpose?? That's why it exists. How amazing is it to send messages or chat online with someone on Facebook who lives far away? Remote real-time conversations are incredibly cool and useful.
Does that mean you accept everyone who asks to connect? No. Research them. Visit the person's LinkedIn profile. Look up his or her company or past employers. See if the person's legit. See if what he or she does for a living has any value to you and your future goals. That connection you make with a man or woman might end up helping you get a job later in life, and after the recession we're currently in, who would turn down that possibility?
Dawn,
Basically, we are saying the same thing.
What we are emphasizing is not to connect blindly, just for the sake of connecting.
Thank you for your comment.
Michael
I don't know. Isn't the number one rule in either marketing yourself or your business or building networks is to never prejudge anyone?
No one can claim to know on a personal level every individual, even within a smaller network. Many will claim their best and most resourceful contacts, clients and customers have resulted from an individual they had initially rejected. How many of us can claim significant numbers of purchases or successful jobs resulted first and foremost from making indepth contacts among only those "we know and trust."
Hopefully, the job market and overall economy will improve, minimizing the need once again for exhaustive, extensive networking efforts in attempts to secure a good job. Skills and experience will again reign as supreme.
Yes, a more liberal approach to building a network will bring in some SPAMMERS and superficial contacts, but many will find they have attracted such spammers and superficial contacts anyway even while attempting to impose limitations on their networks.
I would advise against setting up too many gates and preconditions in either flesh and blood physical networking, still and always the best way to network, or via networking within electronic mediums. Don't prejudge people until you have allowed yourself a chance to know them, and they have gotten a chance to know you. Maybe AFTER this process is when to make a decision to whether to become loose-fingered on the DELETE key.
Hi Michael,
Very nice blog with so much of detailed information. I could learn some new things from it.
On other side I don't agree with your comment regarding not to accept all the connections blindly. The more connections I have the more benefit I get because it shows that I am active user and others will happily connect with me. You can compare a profile who has 10 connections and another profile who has 1000 connections.
Also if I do research on a connection wasting couple of hour and find that the profile is of a marketing person then at the end I will waste my time. Instead add the profile as a connection and if you get marketing mails from them then you can simply unsubscribe them.
Amjad
http://bit.ly/ceh7a5
Michael – Interesting comments have been posted and that only indicated how valuable your blog is.
Accept or not to accept; I agree that to simply accept everyone and anyone will not allow you to grow your contact list; however, what can you expect from a list of contacts you don't really know; or that dosen't know you?
I like the ole school method of getting in front of you so I can understand what your doing and or what your needs may be that I can assist or help you with a referral.
It appears that like so many other things we all get involved in – each situation, each person is different, based on what our needs are at the time.
So the old question still applies " What came first the chicken or the egg?"
Connecting blindly just for the sake of having many friends/followers could do more harm than good. Thanks for your article Michael very professionally written.
Well said, Michael.
@ Syed: Sure, more connections will make you LOOK good but I know some Twitter users with OVER 6,000 followers (!) and yet they are cash poor because they don’t know how to monetize it or they are friending everyone and not focusing on their target market. I’d rather make $6,000 from a few followers than have 6,000 followers for the sake of it. But gaining followers can be helpful if you’re not in it to make money but to spread a message or something.
But more people don’t always equal more money. I have only 400 Twitter followers and I get more leads than someone else I know who has 3,000 followers. It just depends!
And plus, when you have a group following you who actually care about what you do and care about YOU, numbers really don’t matter.
Michael…
I am going to have to disagree with you and many of the posts on this. I feel there are a couple of false assumptions here.
1. That you cannot build quality and quantity at the same time — you didn't say this directly but it is inferred in your comments.
2. That building numbers has no value in and of itself — more people in fact do equal more money.
To point #1
You need to build both numbers and quality. The numbers are built on auto-pilot and by some pro-activity on your part.The quality is built on your personal efforts to connect to the right people and on providing value to your network so that you gain more valued connections and develop closer relationships.
To point #2
Networking is about visibility and accessibility. The more visible your are the more chances people who need or want what you have will see or find you. Additionally, the larger your network, and especially on LinkedIn, the more people you gain access to.
Networking isn't really about the specific connection as there is more potential in that person's sphere of influence (network) than in their becoming your customer. Networking and again specifically on LinkedIn is a "marketing" activity.
I had a friend ask me to hook him up with a connection at the EPA — I had no direct connections to anyone in the EPA but I did have one management level person in my 2nd tier. Had I not gotten connected to the one mutual connection we both had, I would have had no way to access that person. Because I was connected I was able to send a message via my one first line connection to this person.
Being selective and not pursuing the rapid growth of your network quite simply means REDUCING your potential opportunities.
On LinkedIn when your connections do certain things there networks get access or visibility to you through them. Discriminating because someone doesn't appear to be a prospect or of direct value in my opinion is a grave mistake. You simply don't know who they are connected too and if there are opportunities in their connections.
On LinkedIn you cannot see people that aren't in your network and by connecting to everyone you gain more access to LinkedIners you might not find or reach without those connections.
The Secret
The secret is by providing value to those connecting and interfacing with you, you can cause them to be attracted to you. That value will also cause them to tell others about you. I have had dozens of invites that wrote — one of my connections told me about you.
You absolutely won't develop a relationship with everyone you are connected too, and you may never again talk to someone who connects with you and you may end up connecting to someone that is bad news. However, you don't know up front, as in my example above which connection you will need in the future — if you discriminate you will reduce your chances of success and cut yourself off from opportunities.
Thanks great article
I like the thought of a scripted email – it's much less rude than simply denying a networking request.
Andy,
Here is the scripted email we use in response to LinkedIn invitations:
Dear XXXX,
Thank you for inviting me to connect with you on LinkedIn. Usually I do not connect automatically with people I do not know. I like to know the people I connect with better so we both can understand how we can help each other. Before I accept your invitation, can you please tell me a little about yourself and why you would like to connect with me?
Again, I appreciate your reaching out to me.
Best Regards,
Michael Cohn
As always Michael, thanks for writing about such a timely topic! I can appreciate your sentiments having had social or business networking experiences all three networks: LinkedIn, Twitter and Facebook.
It is important to note that all three networks come with some security features as to not expose oneself to the general public, assuming one wants to protect, hide or share his or her profiles.
Just this last week, I had a mortgage broker reach out to me on FB, of which I am generally open-minded to accepting new friends’ requests. I exchanged a few wall posts and even chatted on FB, but in my business, communicating by phone is almost mandatory. So, I asked my new “friend” to reach out to me, which he did and what I was trying to establish was whether or not he and I could become referral sources for each other. When I was on the phone with him, I had trouble connecting with him. He was gruff and direct, which can be a problem for some clients. In general, he had a hard time building rapport within the first few minutes, which is a sales skill I would need him to have as a way to build trusts and maintain the same level of customer service I provide to all of my clients.
I was cautious and did my homework on him after the initial point of contact. The real question for me is whether or not to keep him as a friend. If he had approached me on LinkedIn, my approach would have been the same: accept, email, try to get face to face or over the phone and determine the relationship could become fruitful. If he had approached me on Twitter, I probably would have never even noticed him since 80% of the people that follow me now I have yet to contact for some type of traditional getting to know you activities. But, one twitter, I simply want people to visit my site.
In the social networking world, sometimes people are obsessed with the number of connections, which as real value when you are promoting products and services directly to consumers. Thus, it would depend on what your social or business networking strategy is and what you hope to achieve while on these networks that will influence your networking etiquette and determine your overall behavior.
Excellent topic and excellent entry, Michael. After reading, I would suggest that for most people "in between" the two extremes of not adding people you don't know and adding everyone is a good solution. As with almost everything in life, there is usually some sort of risk involved. Without taking the risk of adding people we don't know to your contact list, we may be missing out on an opportunity or an indirect opportunity. As most people know, word of mouth is the best advertisement. When someone asks to be acquainted with us, there may not be an immediate business connection with that person, but there may be an interest from that person at a later date. That person may also be the link between us and other referrals of people he/she knows. My perspective is to keep an open mind and an open door policy when involved in social media networks. Of course, if someone is using profanity, has viewpoints in direct contradiction to ours or if our intuition tells us no, then we don't have to add anyone to our list. However, what harm is there in adding someone when the easiest way to end that issue is to simply delete the person from our contact list? If we try to judge everyone based on what his or her initial desire to connect with us is (when most people may not even know that themselves initially other than that our profile/website looked interesting), we limit ourselves and our business. One thing I have learned is that every encounter provides an opportunity for us to either share from our resources or to gather from someone else's. To me, that's the easiest way to have a win-win situation.
Michael.
Thank you for addressing this critical subject. In my case though, it is a bit more complicated.
What do you do when your competition asks to become your friend on Facebook? I have got people that I know and like who asked to become my friends and I am afraid they might solicit my friends even unintentionally. So far I just ignored their request. What would you have done?
Thanks,
Ayelet
Ayelet,
My advice is to first determine if the person is purely your competition or if there is a potential for you to become strategic partners.
If they are just pure competition, I wouldn’t accept them as friends because I wouldn’t want them to have access to my connections.
If, on the other hand, you think that you may be able to partner with these people, you should recommend that they become your fans after learning more about them and establishing that you can help each other.
Facebook friends, in our opinion, should be reserved for family and personal connections only.
Michael, great thought-provoking article. I hate sounding like a broken record but I always find myself saying "somewhere in the middle". Although I can appreciate your position of being very particular about whom you accept connections from, I tend to be a little less stringent. But at the same time, I don't just blindly accept anyone – especially on Twitter. I don't have an automatic set-up where I will follow someone just because they followed me. I check out each and every one and some days there are a heck of a lot.
I think for many, social media marketing has become a numbers game and they strive to raise their numbers just for the sake of saying they have a huge following. Those are people who disregard quality in exchange for high numbers that in and of themselves, have absolutely no meaning.
For me, it also depends upon which network we are talking about. As I already mentioned, I do not just follow others who follow me. I have actually spoken to you about Facebook and really liked your suggestion that I can direct a friend request who is not a friend – to my fanpage. Thanks for that. For Linkedin, I tend to be more open to accepting invites without too much research because to me, it is a business networking platform only and you never know when you might need a business contact.
Thanks for sharing your insights 🙂
Michael,
Your post is a very important one. Your online presence is an extension of your physical presence.
How and where you connect with others is dependent on what you want your online presence to do for you.
Some key questions to ask yourself are:
1. Is my online presence for personal enjoyment or business?
2. If it is used to support your business, what is the message you want to convey to prospects and customers?
3. What web based tools are effective for your business? i.e. if your business is focused on consumers then a presence in Facebook is very important. If your business is focused on selling to other businesses, LinkedIn should receive more of your marketing emphasis.
In short, one size does not fit all.
When I received this newsletter I thought, not another one. Since I had met Carolyn at a Ladies Lunch function I decided to at least look at it before I unsubscribed. Am I glad I did. Your newsletter is well written, easy to navigate and informative. I went so far as to click on the blogs. I thought this article gave some good insight into how to USE social media to make connections.
I look forward to receiving your next newsletter.
Thanks for your post,I have subscribe the newsletter,do these articles have copyright limit? can I post them in my blog?
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